#Courageous conversations i dont know how to
#Courageous conversations i dont know driver

Your self-confidence might grow as you begin to be truer to yourself.Īlternatively, if you are the only person in your team who feels restrained and under-confident by the organisational culture, it’s probably time to seek an employer who values empowered leaders. This fosters trust, which encourages collaboration, which builds confidence in yourselves and others. Introduce ways of working that allow you and your team to get to know each other better. What values do you want to adopt? How will you do things differently? How will behave? How will your team work together?īe the role model dare to show up as your authentic self, not just as your job title. You need to protect your team from top-down commands and begin to make your own rules. As a leader, you have the opportunity to create your own team culture, but it might not be easy.

Hierarchical, top-down structures can prevent courageous conversations among employees. While armor is our greatest barrier to being brave, grounded confidence is the heart of daring leadership.How do you build confidence in yourself and your team when working in a highly structured traditional organisation? We define grounded confidence as curiosity + the willingness to rumble with vulnerability + practice. The big shift here is from wanting to “be right” to wanting to “get it right.”

Acknowledge and reward great questions and instances of “I don’t know, but I’d like to find out” as daring leadership behaviors.

Don’t assume people aren’t curious because they don’t care.

#Courageous conversations i dont know how to

Some people may be perceived as naturally curious, and others need to be taught how to be more curious. Make learning “curiosity skills” a priority.Knowers often have a lot of people talking behind their backs, and that’s unkind. You’re often quick with answers, which can be helpful, but not as helpful as having the right questions, which is how you’ll grow as a leader.

It’s a tough conversation, but clear is kind: I’d like for you to work on your curiosity and critical thinking skills. There are three strategies that I’ve seen work to transform always knowing into always learning. He was brought in because of his twenty-plus years of experience, yet he was expected to be quiet in the meetings because of cultural norms that valued only the contributions of tenured leaders. Others don’t speak up because they’re not “senior enough” or it’s “not their place.” In our study on daring leadership one leader shared that he had been with his new company for six months and had never contributed in a meeting.

Knowing can also become a culture problem when only some people are valued as knowers. Being the knower can save people in hard situations, and it’s easy to buy into the belief that being a knower is the only value we bring to relationships and work. It sounds pretty easy to replace the armor of knowing with becoming a curious learner, but for many people the need to be a knower is driven by shame and, for some, even trauma. It leads to distrust, bad decisions, and unnecessary, unproductive conflict. Unfortunately, needing to know everything is pretty miserable for the knowers and everyone around them. It’s also very common-most of us have some degree of knower in us.

#Courageous conversations i dont know driver

It’s defensiveness, it’s posturing, and, worst of all, it’s a huge driver of bullshit. Having to be the “knower” or always being right is heavy armor. When things get tough, do we lean into vulnerability and get curious, or do we self-protect in ways that move us away from our values? It’s not fear that gets in the way of daring leadership it’s armor.